Cruise and Tattoos

As a young child, I was afraid of everything. 

Talking to people? Oh, God. 

Being seen walking in the mall? Help me. 

Going somewhere… alone? Death sentence. 

But, if there is one thing about me, is I do not accept my shortcomings easily. I knew this wasn’t the way to live in the world. So, I pushed, I adapted. 

I applied for a job in college that required I did a lot of public speaking and leading of others. I had to be perceived. It became less scary over time. 

I pushed myself to go places alone – the movies, stores, etc. It became less scary over time. 

I moved to a city after graduating college where I knew absolutely no one. It, too, became less scary over time. 

My fear of everything, which I know now to be generalized anxiety, tried to rule me. It made me so fearful it would make me sick. The first time I rode the train in Chicago, I watched as many YouTube videos as I could on how to get a Ventra card, what it was like going through the turnstile, and followed my route on Google Maps the night before. That didn’t stop my stomach from roiling well into the night, though. 

But, I went. 

The hardest part was always the going. 

I learned early on that going always felt better than not. So, I continued to push. 

But, as an educator saddled with student loan debt, I dreamed of traveling, but knew I couldn’t swing it. I could afford 1 domestic plane trip a year and that was to see my sister. 

A few things happened in the last decade though. I got new jobs, paying me more than I thought I’d ever earn, but far less than many people that I know. 

I was able to afford a car, and in turn, I took myself on a road trip to Atlanta. I forced myself to travel alone. Why? I wanted to see a Winnie the Pooh art exhibit and I thought, if not now, when? 

Traveling to Atlanta alone in 2018 was life changing. I had dinner alone, with strangers, took tours, went to every place I wanted to see (botanical gardens, aquarium, MLK sites, art museum, Coca Cola…), and I walked all over the city and then some. 

I proved to myself I could not only do it but I could do it afraid. 

I’m sure you’ve heard the term before, but it fits. 

Fast forward- I start doing more road trips, by myself, with friends – I take myself places to see people I love and care about. 

Then, COVID hits. 

My perspective on life shifted substantially after COVID. My place of work is never going to care about me more than my family and friends do, so why would I put my job over them? 

The other change was I realized- the future is not guaranteed. Sure, I was saving money for some rainy day or my retirement but… I realized I don’t want to wait until my retirement to experience life. 

So, I’m not. 

Since the start of 2023, I have gotten 11 tattoos – all pretty large in size. That’s where my money went instead of my savings. 

In 2024, I became obsessed with cruise ships- how they work, the culture of the travelers, the itineraries, the ocean… 

So, I took a New Year’s cruise. 

And now I’m taking an Alaska cruise. 

I also have a Thanksgiving Cruise and Spring Break cruise lined up that I am paying down piece by piece. 

I realized I don’t want what everyone else has. Does it suck to rent at times? Yeah. But it also gives me freedom – I don’t have to obsessively save. I like living in an apartment. I like having maintenance. 

But Anne, you could buy a and live in-

No, I don’t want to. I know that owning property is essential to growing wealth but, honestly, I just don’t want to. I want to go places, see things, experience. I want to work until I die because, the way life works, I’d just work for retirement, save a ton of money, and drop dead before I got to enjoy anything. While I wouldn’t mind that because I’d be dead and hopefully whatever I’d saved up would pay for education for my nieces, I can’t help but feel tired of being responsible. 

So, I stopped being responsible. 

Now, I travel.